The Boy Tom for October

Well how are yu all a’gettin on t’gether?
A’time yu are a’readin this we’ll will ha turned the calendar over agin und them nights will be a pullin in.  That’ll mean I wount be able t’draw out inta the garden arter I’v hed m’tea.
I know there are sum on yar who will a bin a’keepin your eye on how them up at Whitehall are gettin on wi them BREXIT talks with them over the water.  Well t’my eyes they don’t seem t’be a’gettin on to sharp.    Her who’s in charge hev ha’a get somebody else t’do the negotiations cos har fust man he chucked the job in.   The trouble is time is a slippin away und they don’t seem t’be a puttin their backs into it.    When they go over the water for  meetins they go on Tuesday und come back on Thursday.   I thought yu only warked a three day week when there want enough t’keep yu a’goin for five or seven days?Tuther day they told the farmers what they were a’goin t’du when the EEC farm payments dry up. They called  it a ‘landmark document” what ever that is.   At the moment the farmers receive a acreage/hectare payment . Them up at Whitehall are agoin t’replace this w’payments over a seven year period  to a system that’ll pay farmers for “public goods” which mean conservation , higher animal welfare standards or public access to the countryside.    There’s nothin in there for increasing food production. At the moment, the farmers in this country only produce less than 50% o’what we put on our table t’eat!  Still what du yu expect cos the man in charge he’s the same one who got rid of 20% of the Prison Officers and look at the muddle their in now?
When yu are a’ridin about yu see a lot o’pigs kept outside,  well the farmers who keep them are a’gettin worried cos over the water in Belgium they hev found a case of African swine fever in a wild boar.   They don’t want to see that a’comin over here cos if that git inta a pig herd the mortality can be 100%
I see the village hall is closed so they can put in sum new toilets und kitchen. They hev done well t’git the money t’do the wark.  Mind yu thay wanted a’doin cos I helped when the old toilets und kitchen were put in ni on forty year ago.
Them boys up a Carra Rood are a’doin well. A’time o’writtin this (end Sept) they hev won 3 matches in a row.   Thas good t’see the manager givin some o’the youngsters a go.  Thas the only way the’ll learn.
The Missis und I hev bin a’havin a look at sum o’these gardens that open.  Tuther day we went und hed a look at a garden right in the middle o’Cambridge.   Well bor we hed a job a parkin. Findin a space were alright but there were a notice on the ticket machine saying that yu  ha’a pay usin yar mobile phone.   Well, that were a job und a half, arter about 20 minutes I were gettin suffin savage cos that wont wark.   The Missus she kept a’tryin t’git me t’calm down.   How sum ever arter a while we see some folk go to another machine, put sum money und git a ticket out. So thas what we did.  Just arterwards a ticket man cum past so I hed a word along a him.  He recon that I were the only one he knew who hed hev any trouble w’the mobile service.   I told him thas cos I cum from Norfolk und we du things differently there.  The Missus din’t say anything……….she just giv me one of har looks..Arter we hed looked round the garden we driv to a place where you could hev yar tea a sittin in a deck chair.   The Missus und I recon we would hev a job a gettin outa them so we sit on some plastic garden chairs.   The place were near the river und the Missus recon that next time we come to Cambridge we could hire a punt und come to the tea place that way.    I don’t now who she think ull be a drivin the punt cos that ount be me.
Afor I go I must just tell yu suffin what happened to me tuther day….I fell orf me bike.  That happened just outside our house.   I were a’sittin on me bike ready t’go und git me peaper when I noticed I hant got my yella waistcoat on.   So I cocked my old leg over the saddle t’git orf…the only trouble was I din’t git it high enough und that hit the saddle which knocked inta me und down I went onta the hard road with the bike on top o’me    My heart I felt suffin dissy, thas when you know how old yu are.   I ha’a crawl t’the side of the road und then get up und git me bike outa the road.   I got me self indoors und got upstairs t’see the Missus.   Do yu know I ha a lay on the bed for a bit.    I hed taken the skin orf me elbow und my behind felt a bit tender.  Still the bike were ok und I hev bin out on it agin.
They tell me that the Villages History group are a’havin a meeting in the Church on October 19th at 7pm.    They hev got somebody a’cummin along to talk about Farming Today & Yesterday und what effect that hev hed on the village.   The Missus und I are a’goin t’draw down there for it so we might see yu there.
Fare ye well t’gether und du yu keep a’troshin.